Having a baby who sleeps through the night is pretty much the holy grail of first year parenting. We've had a long, winding road when it comes to our family sleeping this year. Swaddling, putting James in the cradle, Rock n' Play, holding and rocking him, couch sleeping, carseat sleeping, random/desperate co-sleeping, stroller napping, crib sleeping....you name it, we've done it. I've read a pathetic amount of books on the subject and well versed in topics such as "puting your baby down 'drowsy but awake', 'the Sleep Lady Shuffle', Ferber, Weissbluth, The No Cry Sleep Solution (hogwash!), the limp limb test, and more. I think I gleaned some mildly helpful information and tools to try, but what I ultimately learned was none of the books knew James. Only we did. I've wished and longed for a book that describes how to parent my baby but it just doesn't exist. We just had to get to know him, read his cues, find out what worked and what didn't. And the real kicker is, just when I've thought I finally had it all figured out, he'd go through a growth spurt or some other type of developmental change and totally throw us for a loop. He's a moving target, our boy.
After all this, I'm happy to report that James can fall asleep on his own now, and our nights are about as restful as any new parent could possibly hope for. And I've learned I would endure a thousand sleepless nights if it meant seeing his gummy little smiles light up our hearts.
One of the best things about sleeping babies is how beautiful they are. It's funny to me now how many photos I have of James sleeping. See, for the longest time I think I felt that he hardly slept. Obviously, photographic evidence exists to the contrary because we have a plethora of adorable sleeping baby pictures. I guess the key difference here would be honing in on the fact that though James was, in fact, sleeping, I was, in fact, exhausted. But, I think I'm going to wrap up about the sleep deprivation talk for now. It's taken up so much space in my mind over the past 7 months. On bad nights, I've been talked off the proverbial "I'm seriously going to die if I don't sleep" ledge by my mama friend Amelia. I've commiserated about it, laughed about it, cried about it. The truth is this: having a baby is so incredibly tiring (and amazing, and incredible, and wonderful.) It just is. We've learned there are many ways to be tired. I can be justifiably self-pitying, grumpy, and irritable. I can ignore it, power through it and be in denial. You know, that'd be the good ol' "fake it til you make it" routine. I can stop appreciate the fact that many parents sleep less than I do, and for that I should be thankful. But the reality is, it just IS what it is. I've stopped having conversations comparing notes about sleep and babies - none of it has ever been useful or helpful to me and my baby. Adam & I used to talk about it a lot more. We'd compare notes about how many hours we got, how many times we got up, ask each other for help and lay down desperate for the other to keep the baby for awhile so we could just be alone and rest. But we no longer talk about it, both because it's improved so much and because doing that never really helps. We're tired. That's all. Nothing to write home about, nothing horrible, just tired. What else is new. I pretty much expect at this point to be tired for the next 20 some-odd years. And I'm totally okay with that.
So, confession. I'm totally one of those stalker moms that sneaks in at night and snaps photos of my sleeping baby. I love wondering what sorts of nice thoughts are drifting through his head. I love dressing him in his pajamas and his sleep sacks, which keep him toasty and warm all night long. I love that he is all smiles when he wakes and is always in the best mood first thing in the morning. God, I wish I could be so happy just to awaken - alive, excited, just thrilled to realize the world is still there waiting for you.
I have so much to learn from my son.
Bedtime, but someone is definitely not tired.
James is a tummy sleeper about 90% of the time. Now that it's totally safe for him to do so, he sleeps so much better this way.
Nothing better than being held by your Grandpa while you get to sleep on his shoulder for an hour.
Insane pajama cuteness.
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