PHOTO SHOOOOOOOT - Dec 3rd, 2011

Introducing Mr. James Rockwell!

Well, I think most of you who read this blog already know, but for anyone who hasn't heard yet - our sweet baby boy has arrived! I've been way behind on blogging for obvious reasons but want to jot down a few quick things while I have a few minutes. I have a lot to share but for now will just share his birth story.

James Rockwell Pruett was born Thanksgiving Day (November 24th) at 7:04 a.m. He weighed 7 lbs., 15 oz. and was 21 inches long. He is a beautiful, perfect baby and I can hardly put into words what I feel when I look at him. We are totally in love and starting to find our groove as a family of three with a newborn. :)

His birth story was quite the wild ride and started off very slowly on Tuesday, November 22d. I began noticing some very random, light contractions as the night wore on. I had baked an apple pie that night and watched the finale of one of my guilty pleasure tv shows, Dancing With the Stars. (Pruett family trivia - Adam's mother also baked an apple pie *right* before she had her first son as well...maybe there's something to it?) The contractions were so light that I slept through them all night. At 6 a.m. on Wednesday I felt four that were pretty strong and woke me up. I awoke Adam at 8:30 (he'd been up late working the night before) and let him know what I was feeling. Throughout the morning, I noticed they were intensifying and becoming more regular so we started timing them with a cool labor app Adam had on his smartphone. Throughout the morning, I distracted myself by watching tv, bouncing on my birth ball and taking a bath. At 12, they were coming every five minutes and I started focusing hard on getting through them. Adam started going through our hospital bag, making sure we had everything we needed and taking out the garbage and getting ready. I remember sitting on my knees and leaning over my bed and finding other random positions in our bedroom/bathroom and practicing my breathing exercises. My original plan had been to wait a long time before heading in to the hospital, but after three hours of intense contractions at home I was totally ready to go. The car ride was short but seemed to take forever. I remember gripping the door handle, swearing like a sailor at all the cars slowing us down. Adam dropped me off at the entrance to Labor & Delivery at our hospital and I had to stop several times to breathe through contractions on our way down the long hallway to the admitting desk. The nurse who met me in triage let us know that I was indeed in real labor and was already 5 cm dilated and 90% effaced - so things were going great. I remember feeling very frustrated by every little thing she was doing (putting in my iv, trying to get me to sign paperwork, etc.) because I was in pain and was trying to concentrate hard to get through them. I overheard her radio to the midwife on call and saying, "yep, Sarah is an admit!" In that moment, I knew this was the real thing and Adam & I squeezed hands as we made our way to our labor room.

We decided to call my mom, my labor coach #2, and let her know I was admitted and having a baby. Adam and my mom did a fantastic job coaching me through the contractions and helping me breathe and conserve my energy. I used the labor tub at the hospital which provided more relief than anything else I did. After three hours, I was 7.5 cm dilated and my contractions were coming very strong every 2 minutes - so rest was becoming more and more limited. I decided to get an epidural to help me relax and focus and was really glad I did. The hardest part was sitting very still while they finished the procedure - I'll never forget moaning and rocking through a contraction while the anesthesiologist was behind me saying "oops! Ok Sarah, please don't do that again!" Really, I couldn't help it. After that, I could still feel the contractions and breathe through them but I no longer felt the stabbing pain that accompanied them. This is probably my favorite part of the birth. We turned the lights down, played Van Morrison my ipod, and told happy stories. The contractions continued in the same pattern and seemed to be very effective. By 9 p.m., I was 9.5 cm dilated and the nurses starting calling bets on when I would deliver. Everyone was sure it would be before midnight, and I remember thinking it was too bad because after midnight it would be the 24th which is also my father's birthday and I thought it would be special to deliver then.

As the night wore on, however, the progression of my labor slowed down even though I was almost complete. My water hadn't broken, and I wanted it to happen naturally but at midnight agreed to have the midwife do it manually with the hopes that it would help kickstart the transition to pushing. At 1 a.m., the midwife suggested we start a small amount of Pitocin to help move things along since my labor was no longer running a "normal" course and things seem to have stalled. I finally started pushing about 2:30 a.m. and I have to say, it was absolutely the hardest part of labor. My epidural had started to wear off so I could feel the contractions better and work with them. We tried all manner of positions and tried various techniques to help the baby's head move down, which was still a bit high in my pelvis. A couple of hours went by with very little progress which was really discouraging. I started to cry and feel hopeless that after all these hours of hard work his head still hadn't moved down. My doctor came into the room with a few other nurses and reiterated that his head seemed to be badly positioned (he was what they call "sunny-side up"), tilted at an awkward angle and had moved down but not to where we had hoped. She offered to move towards a cesarean delivery or, as an alternative, to try a vacuum delivery. I wanted so badly to avoid a c-section and consented to trying to the vacuum hoping it would work. After pushing with the vacuum for 15 minutes or so, I noticed many more nurses and another doctor entering the room and my original doctor said she was sorry but the vacuum didn't work so we had to move to a cesarean delivery. At 6:30 or so in the morning after a long night of pushing, I was wheeled into the operating room and James was born at 7:04 a.m. Adam was right there beside me and we were both so in awe when we finally met our son. He was placed on my chest for awhile so we could have skin-to-skin bonding, which was really important to me and something I didn't want to miss out on. The surgery was surreal and strange and honestly quite scary until the baby came out. Once I met him, I immediately felt this intense feeling of love and awe at the miracle of it all. Adam & I both shed some tears together and poor little James cried hard for about the first hour of his life, clearing out his lungs and letting everyone around hear what a healthy baby he was.

I recovered in the hospital for four days which are now a bit of a blur. The recovery was painful and more difficult than I had anticipated but it got better every day. Adam was an amazing father and did a lot to help with things I couldn't get up to do myself. We had a slightly bumpy start to breastfeeding but received a lot of support from the nurses and lactation consultants and by the time we left, we were doing pretty well with it. I was feeding him at least every 2 hours (sometimes more often!) which was pretty exhausting but necessary to get his weight up and help resolve some jaundice that had developed. We were visited by a lot of family and friends who were incredibly supportive and made us feel so loved. James got to meet all of his grandparents, a couple of his great-grandparents, his uncle Wes, his great-uncle Mike, and many others. Finally, the morning came when we got to bring him home and I was so happy to be leaving. We had a beautiful homecoming thanks to Adam's parents and my mom; we enjoyed a delicious pasta lunch with champagne to celebrate the occasion. Best of all, James's grandparents rocked him in the living room so Adam & I could take a long, luxurious two hour nap before settling in to our new life with James.

The past two weeks have honestly flown by and I have so much more to say, but for now I will just share that it's been the most extraordinary time in my life. Some words that come to mind to describe the experience would be joyful, exhausting, emotional, surreal... I am happy to report that James is very healthy and at 12 days old has already grown to 8 lbs., 12 oz. He has such personality even as a newborn and we are really enjoying getting to know him. He always wants to have his hands near his face and loves to be held and rocked, especially on our chests. He has cried through his sponge baths and almost every single one of his diaper changes. We go through 10 more diapers a day (often quite a few more) and James has peed on his dad two times already. He has been to the doctor and grocery store and seems to enjoy car rides until they stop. He is wearing newborn clothes though seems to be getting to the limit of his outfits lengthwise so we might be ready to start trying out our 0-3 month clothes. Every day, he spends more time being awake and alert and has tried many of his toys including his baby swing, bouncer, and being in the baby carrier. He seems to change every day and I'm so thankful for all the hours I get to spend just staring into his big blue eyes and bonding with him.

Speaking of, that's what I'm off to do...will post some pictures and more updates when I can. Lots of love from the three of us to you!

Me & baby: A Love Story

Earlier on my pregnancy, I wrote my beautiful son some letters. Telling him how much I loved him, and how special he is. Telling him about all the different feelings I had and how excited I was for what was to come. I shared about what life was like for his mom & dad when he so very tiny in my belly. That we lived in a warm place called San Jose, in a 2-story apartment with a dog and how mommy drove over an hour each way into the city for a job she loved. I'm glad I have some of that down. Reflecting back on San Jose feels like a dream...as it was a lifetime ago even though we've only been back in Oregon for a few months. The letter writing is a practice I sadly let go of...and decided to pick back up again tonight.

The end of pregnancy is kind of a grind. It's been way to easy to selfishly focus on my own need to be comfortable, to have my body as mine, to finally stop the agonizing wait. To find out if the physical and mental preparation for birth will pay off. To have Adam right there by my side holding my hand and helping me through it. I want to smile, to be proud, to put on my new nursing pajamas and slippers and ask someone to bring me a spicy tuna roll and well-deserved latte for all the hard work I will have done. I want to celebrate and rejoice and look into our parents' eyes as they hold their grandson for the first time. I want to be the happy mom being pushed in a wheelchair out of the hospital with a brand new baby cradled in my arms.

But those things are all about me. And you know what? It's actually not about me.

The truth is: My heart is filled with ecstasy and wonder and laughter and hope and ends-of-the-earth-passionate-burning-lay-down-my-life-love for my son. My son! My god, I have a son. His arrival will change our lives forever. And that day is right around the corner. You know what the other truth is? I'm terrified. No, in case anyone is wondering, I don't feel ready. I don't feel capable. I don't know how I will do it. I don't have a daycare provider interviewed and I don't have my breastpump supplies sterilized. I have no idea when I'll get another job and have a comfortable amount of money again. If I do get another job, I'm not sure how my heart will handle leaving my baby. We don't have it all figured out. But we will. If being with Adam has taught me anything, it's that sometimes you just have to dive in, have faith, and know that you've got the important stuff covered and the rest will come. For us, the important things haven't always been money, security, and answers. But we weather uncertainty knowing that we have each other, and it's always enough. We laugh and smile and hold hands together and jump in with our eyes wide open. That has seen us through what seemed to be unsurmountable odds and kept us alive and happy. It's what brought us here to this very moment in time, standing on the verge of this all-important leap of faith - parenthood. Promising to use every bone in my body to give this new life the very best of us, and knowing full well we won't always do it right. But that we will try. And it will be okay.

November 21st, 2011

Dear baby,

Hi bubs! Mommy decided to write to you tonight because she is so freaking excited you are almost here. We don't know when you'll decide to make your big debut, but are hoping it'll be soon and can't wait to have you in our arms. I've dreamt of holding you, what you will smell like, how soft your skin will be, and what kind of little noises you'll make. I'm so proud of how big and strong you've grown. I get to hear your heartbeat once a week at the doctor's office, and I fight back tears every single time. It never gets old. I could listen to that beautiful sound all day long. I love it so much that sometimes at night I close my eyes and try to remember exactly what it sounds like and imagine your beautiful little heart beating away (so strong!), carrying blood to the rest of your body and filling you with life.

I spent a lot of my time thinking of all the things I can't wait to show you about the world. First of all, you're going to love your daddy. He will hold you for hours, squeeze you tight when you need to be held and gently brush you hair from your forehead when you need it. He gives the best backrubs. His silly faces make it impossible to stay mad at him and will help your lighten your load just when you need it. He will stay awake all night long and drive to the store in the rain to buy you cough medicine in the middle of the night. He'll never, ever let go. He'll patiently play with you and share his comics and show you exactly how to build Lego spaceships and watch Ghostbusters with you as many times as you want. You'll probably want to pull on his beard, and even though it will hurt, he'll let you. Sometimes, he won't let you do things or go somewhere because he'll need you to be safe and sound. He'll push you higher than I will on the swingset, and toss you up in the sky so you can pretend you're in an airplane. He makes the best breakfast sandwiches and he'll take you out for a burger and fries even though I'll try to insist you eat your vegetables. He can tell you about Saturn and stars and the moon and how vast the universe is. He'll read to you and his voice will be so nice to listen to that you'll want to hear him read your favorite stories over and over. I know these things about your daddy, because he is the love of my life and my favorite person on the entire planet.

Then there are all the other people who will adore you and already love you more than you can imagine. Your Nana & Grandpa, your Grandma Sue & Grandpa Bill, and Grandpa Rocky. You have great-grandparents, cousins, friends, aunts and uncles and an endless supply of love and chances to learn from and brighten the lives of others.

Our house is about as ready as it's going to be, and we're excited to bring you in the front door and cuddle in our big bed as a family of three. You're going to love the cool toys you have so far. At 39 weeks, you have a bonafide library of books, a box of Duplos, six stuffed animals, five blankets just for you and a swing and a bouncy chair and a wooden airplane that your great-grandfather made for your dad when he was little. You have three pairs of baby shoes, ten hats, and a little bin of baby sock balls. You have your own pint-sized rocking chair and a bathtub shaped like a whale and a stuffed sheep that makes sounds like rain and ocean waves to soothe you at night. You will soon discover there are several prime hiding spots just outside your room, including the bottom of our kitchen island and pantry which I'm planning to fill with tupperware and things that make fun noises so you can safely play while you mommy cooks in the kitchen. Our yard is filled with great mud spots for trucks, spiders in the garage for bug-hunting, and a driveway that is perfect for tricycle-riding. There are dogs and neighbors and a park and a lot of grass that you can run on to your heart's content. We have an old wooden table that we don't care much about, so you can feel free to color and paint and spill and bite on it and we won't mind at all.

Little one, you have stolen my heart. I don't care about the pains of birth, the sleepless nights that lay ahead and the times you will look up at me and cry because you can't tell me what's wrong. I don't mind that I won't be able to wear my old clothes for awhile and may not be able to be a perfectly make-upped, hair-done kind of mommy for awhile. I don't have all the answers - but - you & I, we are going to be okay. We're going to laugh. And smile. And love a lot. We're going to do it. And it's going to be amazing. Promise.

Love you more than you'll ever be able to imagine,

Mommy

No news is good news?

Hi all out there in the blogosphere...just giving a friendly hey from yours truly since it's been awhile since our last post. I actually don't really have any big updates. Life has been good in Portland - the leaves are the most beautiful color imaginable and we've had lots of sunny fall days. Adam is continuing to work a lot in anticipation of taking some time off when the baby comes. He's starting to move onto some really cool, big-time published work in comics and I'm proud his work his getting recognized. I am sort of in limbo, still a couple of weeks away from the baby's anticipated arrival date but pretty uncomfortable and doing my best to stay positive. I have to say - even with morning sickness and fatigue and the stress of the uprooting of our lives in the second trimester - this is pretty much the hardest it's been. I'm not really sleeping, having a hard time exercising but wanting to keep my energy and strength up, and just mentally coping with the waiting. I still have a lot I want to do, and every night when I go to bed I feel like I should have the dishes done, floors mopped, things in order Just In Case. I know I should be enjoying this time - what's likely to be our last couple weeks of freedom - so I'll try to work on that. In the meantime, no other news babywise, which is probably a good thing. Lots of love to you all in the meantime.
xoxo

Life in Pictures

Adam practicing his dad skills: pancake-making and babywearing.


Pedicures and lunch with some of the best friends a girl could ask for.




An unexpected visit from my Grandpa Wes, and a fairly awful picture of yours truly. He's one of the neatest, most wonderful guys I've ever known.

And a few shots of the infamous co-ed baby shower which was a ton of fun.

So, someone very special made us a diaper cake. It's so freaking fantastic I can't seem to dismantle it. Maybe on a late night when we're in dire need of diapers...




This is soon-to-be Great Grandpa Travis, telling me he thinks I'm destined to have a very big baby. I know it looks that way, but he could be smaller, right? Can't a girl still dream?


Not all brothers are cool enough to make it to your baby shower. Mine is.

So, it's SIX days until....

Halloween! Yes! I love Halloween and love that it's almost here. I love it even though I don't have super fun plans this year - no extravagant parties, no elaborate costumes or trick-or-treating. I really just enjoy the small things a great deal. Pumpkin carving, seeing costumes, having some extra candy around the house, and making scary things fun. I love that our neighborhood has become wrought with styrofoam graveyards and fake cobwebs, and that come Monday night, I'll be safe inside watching a scary movie and handing out candy with Adam. This year, I am particularly suited to dress up as a jack o' lantern, but haven't quite got my costume together yet. We'll see what comes of it.

In other countdown-related news, I've reached the 35/35 mark - 35 weeks along, 35 days to go until my due date. We had a very uneventful doctors appointment today, which is awesome (in pregnancy, uneventful usually = healthy, good, all systems are go, etc.) Sweet baby boy remains head-down, and probably won't be somersaulting much since space has gotten extremely limited in there. His heartrate remains strong and growth is on-track. My growth has slowed somewhat; I only gained 1 lb. this month, which is actually normal and fine. Since I'm already at the "higher" end of the weight gain recommendations (*ahem, second trimester Ben & Jerry's), I don't need to gain much more, though apparently the baby still gains about a 1/2 lb. per week. My stomach has shrunken so eating a lot is unappealing (i.e., impossible), though I'd like to considering this is one of the few times in life I'd allow myself to go bananas with some banana split ice cream. (Which I did last week.) I'm trying to keep up my intake of fruits, veggies & healthy proteins, otherwise, it's nice to be rather unconcerned with my diet.

We also made some big strides in some last minute baby-related tasks, the biggest of which was taking care of the business of the infant carseat. I could probably title this "Carseat Installation aka It's Not as Easy as You'd Think." Okay, I should back up. To be fair, carseats are seemingly easy to install. They aren't rocket science. They come with clear instructions and have simple install features so even the most ignorant of us (that would be moi) can figure it out. Now, Adam & I have really done our homework on this one. There is a lot of information out there to take in if you want it about safe carseat safety. For example, where in the car is the safest spot? A perfectly simple question. Well, our car manual would tell you behind the passenger seat using the swanky LATCH system that's installed there. However, many of the carseat safety groups advocate for installing it in the middle seat, forgoing the LATCH system in favor of using the seatbelt pulled very tightly, since the middle is the safest in the event of an accident. The carseat manual says either is fine. So that leaves us scratching our heads a bit.

Then, there's the reality of the SIZE of your carseat and the SIZE of your car. We have the trusty commuter's dream, the Jetta, which has a lovely small backseat and somewhat compact features. Thus, it seemed only natural that the carseat should live in the bigger, seemingly safer and made-of-more-steel Toyota Corolla. This week I got the floors and upholstery shampooed and sparkling clean (thank you Groupon for the sweet car detailing deal), and we set out to do the big install. It quickly became apparent that because the carseat isn't supposed to touch the two front seats, they'd have to be moved pretty far up to accomodate the size of the carseat. The passenger seat will now be moved pretty far up, possibly a little beyond the comfort zone of my long-legged husband or my very pregnant belly. So, we monkeyed with it and monkeyed with it. Adam was a great sport since he was doing most of the work, though I tried to glean whatever wisdom I could and looked on. It may be that we figure out a better way to install it, or perhaps one of us will be sitting in the back with the baby for road trips for the immediate future. Either way, we've got it done, so poor Adam won't have to be out in the rain doing it at the last minute if the baby comes early.

Some memorable moments from this week I want to jot down, lest they be lost forver:

• Our baby kicking the doctors hands back as she tried to get an accurate read on his heartbeat with the doppler. We laughed and I sort of half apologized for his behavior, though inside I was secretly pleased he is so strong and healthy. Some really awesome doctors will used warmed gel, and she used the cold kind, so I can't really blame him anyway. It was chilly!
• Eating my first Philly cheesesteak at one of the food carts down the street. Never before has "cheesesteak" sounded remotely appealing. Now I actually crave meat (and beef, specifically), which is totally unlike my normal self. Obviously I'm attributing this to have a little person with half of Adam's DNA inside me. I have to say, it was totally amazing and delicious and there is something very primal and satisfying about eating a bunch of grilled meat, onions and cheese.
  
• Adam squeezing my hand as we took our hospital tour and stepped foot in the place where some very important life-changing events are about to happen. We were both very impressed with the amenties of the hospital I'll be delivering at. They offer huge, private rooms, labor tubs, a wall of birth balls of varying sizes, and wireless monitoring. The staff are committed to keeping moms and babies together and really promote breastfeeding which I liked. They have the lowest cesarean rate of any hospital in Oregon, and I felt very encouraged about birthing there. It was surreal knowing the next time I walk out through those doors, I'll likely have my son snuggled up in my arms.
• Having my dad over this weekend, sleeping in, making pumpkin muffins, followed by a long three mile walk through the beautiful red and orange leaves along the bikepath near my house. Heavenly.

Giving thanks

I don't stop often enough and give thanks. I have so much gratitude in my heart and tonight just feel like sharing.

Over the past 2-3 weeks, we've gotten to spend time with lots of loved ones near and far. Parents, friends, other family have come and stayed with us or taken the time to just say hi. I'm thankful for the opportunity to see them, spend time with them, and share life with them. I am so lucky to have our families, and lucky to have friends that feel like family. And grateful for houseguests who don't mind sleeping on our Aerobed (or at least, pretend like they don't) and don't mind talking for hours on our kitchen barstools. It's a funny thing about living rooms - cozy though they are, everyone wants to hang in the kitchen. I'm the same way when I visit my friends. (Maybe psychotherapists should consider setting up chaise lounges in kitchens instead of offices?) Someday, when I have my dream house, the kitchen will be outfitted with some swanky couches and lounge chairs for the express purpose of having comfort in the room people like to visit in the most.

I'm feeling thankful for a great deal of love and support from said loved ones for this baby and our transition to parenthood. I had a baby shower with my closest college friends which included a long, luxurious pedicure, delicious lunch, present-opening, PIE (my favorite dessert), and best of all, time spent together with these ladies who I adore more than life itself. We live busy lives and it's not often we get hours to spend together. We had such a ball. It was honestly one of the best days I've ever had. And of course flew by way too quickly. My mom also hosted a very festive and amazing co-ed baby shower for Adam & I last weekend, which was a ton of fun. We played games, ate some great food, got to be in the same room with a lot of folks who we love seeing, and felt very celebrated. We were generously given many items for our sweet lovebug baby which has helped us feel totally ready and excited to bring him home and try out all this great stuff. But the greatest gift of all was just getting to see lots of people we love. Anyway, we'll try to upload some pictures soon since those are a lot more fun to look at than just reading my ramblings.

And on a sort of related tangent, I'm feeling especially grateful for the health of our baby. As I write this, I'm looking down at my belly and am watching him sway his little bottom from left to right, which makes my belly look very lopsided and is a surefire way to get a giggle out of me. I can't say for certain if he's in perfect health, but it's moments like these which remind me he's doing pretty well in there. I've shared with some of you that early on my pregnancy, we had a few complications. I experienced a fair amount of of bleeding which is not normal (though not entirely uncommon) and could have resulted in the loss of the pregnancy at many stages. I worried during much of my first trimester that I would miscarry. It was an emotionally trying time, to say the least. I had a great doctor who didn't tell me things were fine, but kept a positive attitude and did extra ultrasounds for 3 or 4 weeks straight so we could determine what was going on. At first, we just saw a tiny yolk sac, but no baby. The next week, we saw a fetal pole, but it was too early to really determine that I had a viable pregnancy given the bleeding I was having. Finally, the following week we saw the baby's heartbeat for the first time, and weeks later he was still there...and obviously he's still here and making his presence quite known.

During that early time, I started to consider what it would be like to lose the pregnancy to emotionally prepare myself should it have happened. In my head, I knew it didn't necessarily mean I could never try to have a baby again. I even considered this outcome might be "for the best" or meant it was never to be for reasons beyond my understanding. But those thoughts are much less consoling than one might think. I didn't want another baby - I wanted this baby. I wanted him and no other. I knew he was special and miraculous and my heart burned with so much love for him before he was barely the size of a sweet pea. He was my sweet pea, and I desperately wanted him. I had one of those negotiating conversations in my heart with God that if I could have this - if he could just be okay - I would never ask for *anything* else ever again. (Which is totally unfair, since I've broken this promise with God about 10 or 20 times in my life. So far, God seems to be pretty forgiving.) Those are hard conversations for the heart because it ultimately means accepting that many things in life aren't in your hands. Long story short, this baby became more than a speck, and grew and grew. (And he's still growing. And from the way I feel and the sneak peeks we've gotten so far, he's going to be quite a good-sized chunk of baby love.) I cannot express the gratitude I feel for this.

On a more lighthearted note, I'm also going to give a gratitude shout-out for some of the good things in life I've been enjoying:

• Pumpkin spice steamers from Starbucks. Caffeine-free fall bliss.
• 60% off sale on some decent maternity jeans = going out in public in what feels like halfway normal clothes.
• Living a few blocks away to a heated indoor pool and having time to swim there. Those hours are, in a word, luscious.
  
• The last of the season of cheap heirloom tomatoes at the farmer's markets.
• A new season of Modern Family = best 30 minutes of non-cable laughs on television.
  
• Conveniences of having a modern pregnancy. Case in point - nursing bras. Genuis. Even better? My Snoogle pillow, which has been worth it's weight in gold lately. It comes HIGHLY recommended for the the pregnant and non-pregnant alike. In between my five or six bathroom trips during the night, I get to look like this lady. Fabulous.