Giving thanks

I don't stop often enough and give thanks. I have so much gratitude in my heart and tonight just feel like sharing.

Over the past 2-3 weeks, we've gotten to spend time with lots of loved ones near and far. Parents, friends, other family have come and stayed with us or taken the time to just say hi. I'm thankful for the opportunity to see them, spend time with them, and share life with them. I am so lucky to have our families, and lucky to have friends that feel like family. And grateful for houseguests who don't mind sleeping on our Aerobed (or at least, pretend like they don't) and don't mind talking for hours on our kitchen barstools. It's a funny thing about living rooms - cozy though they are, everyone wants to hang in the kitchen. I'm the same way when I visit my friends. (Maybe psychotherapists should consider setting up chaise lounges in kitchens instead of offices?) Someday, when I have my dream house, the kitchen will be outfitted with some swanky couches and lounge chairs for the express purpose of having comfort in the room people like to visit in the most.

I'm feeling thankful for a great deal of love and support from said loved ones for this baby and our transition to parenthood. I had a baby shower with my closest college friends which included a long, luxurious pedicure, delicious lunch, present-opening, PIE (my favorite dessert), and best of all, time spent together with these ladies who I adore more than life itself. We live busy lives and it's not often we get hours to spend together. We had such a ball. It was honestly one of the best days I've ever had. And of course flew by way too quickly. My mom also hosted a very festive and amazing co-ed baby shower for Adam & I last weekend, which was a ton of fun. We played games, ate some great food, got to be in the same room with a lot of folks who we love seeing, and felt very celebrated. We were generously given many items for our sweet lovebug baby which has helped us feel totally ready and excited to bring him home and try out all this great stuff. But the greatest gift of all was just getting to see lots of people we love. Anyway, we'll try to upload some pictures soon since those are a lot more fun to look at than just reading my ramblings.

And on a sort of related tangent, I'm feeling especially grateful for the health of our baby. As I write this, I'm looking down at my belly and am watching him sway his little bottom from left to right, which makes my belly look very lopsided and is a surefire way to get a giggle out of me. I can't say for certain if he's in perfect health, but it's moments like these which remind me he's doing pretty well in there. I've shared with some of you that early on my pregnancy, we had a few complications. I experienced a fair amount of of bleeding which is not normal (though not entirely uncommon) and could have resulted in the loss of the pregnancy at many stages. I worried during much of my first trimester that I would miscarry. It was an emotionally trying time, to say the least. I had a great doctor who didn't tell me things were fine, but kept a positive attitude and did extra ultrasounds for 3 or 4 weeks straight so we could determine what was going on. At first, we just saw a tiny yolk sac, but no baby. The next week, we saw a fetal pole, but it was too early to really determine that I had a viable pregnancy given the bleeding I was having. Finally, the following week we saw the baby's heartbeat for the first time, and weeks later he was still there...and obviously he's still here and making his presence quite known.

During that early time, I started to consider what it would be like to lose the pregnancy to emotionally prepare myself should it have happened. In my head, I knew it didn't necessarily mean I could never try to have a baby again. I even considered this outcome might be "for the best" or meant it was never to be for reasons beyond my understanding. But those thoughts are much less consoling than one might think. I didn't want another baby - I wanted this baby. I wanted him and no other. I knew he was special and miraculous and my heart burned with so much love for him before he was barely the size of a sweet pea. He was my sweet pea, and I desperately wanted him. I had one of those negotiating conversations in my heart with God that if I could have this - if he could just be okay - I would never ask for *anything* else ever again. (Which is totally unfair, since I've broken this promise with God about 10 or 20 times in my life. So far, God seems to be pretty forgiving.) Those are hard conversations for the heart because it ultimately means accepting that many things in life aren't in your hands. Long story short, this baby became more than a speck, and grew and grew. (And he's still growing. And from the way I feel and the sneak peeks we've gotten so far, he's going to be quite a good-sized chunk of baby love.) I cannot express the gratitude I feel for this.

On a more lighthearted note, I'm also going to give a gratitude shout-out for some of the good things in life I've been enjoying:

• Pumpkin spice steamers from Starbucks. Caffeine-free fall bliss.
• 60% off sale on some decent maternity jeans = going out in public in what feels like halfway normal clothes.
• Living a few blocks away to a heated indoor pool and having time to swim there. Those hours are, in a word, luscious.
  
• The last of the season of cheap heirloom tomatoes at the farmer's markets.
• A new season of Modern Family = best 30 minutes of non-cable laughs on television.
  
• Conveniences of having a modern pregnancy. Case in point - nursing bras. Genuis. Even better? My Snoogle pillow, which has been worth it's weight in gold lately. It comes HIGHLY recommended for the the pregnant and non-pregnant alike. In between my five or six bathroom trips during the night, I get to look like this lady. Fabulous.