In the past few weeks, we've enjoyed our first Christmas holiday as a family of three and said goodbye to 2011 - a banner year for us. Some years seem to be full of change, and some are what I call being in "maintenance mode." In 2009, for example, we moved from L.A. to San Jose, I graduated from USC and got a job in San Francisco, we adopted a dog, got engaged, planned and executed a wedding. 2010 was filled with lovely "stay-the-course" moments of just enjoying life as it was. But always thinking and dreaming, which I never stop doing. Soon enough, 2011 was upon us and saw our lives uprooted again. Well, if you've read this blog, you know what we were up to last year - it was a busy one. As the year came to a close, it dawned on me that the biggest change of my entire life will have occured on this year. I have a beautiful son with sparkling eyes that have bore into my soul; I will never let go of him and he will always be tatooed into my heart. I can no longer imagine life without him. (Or what I used to do with all my free time....) I'm excited for keepin' on and keepin' on in 2012, with no moving boxes and address changes.
The weeks between James's birth on Thanksgiving and the advent of Christmas are now a blur. I think back in snippets: eating lots of granola bars as meals, nursing James for what seemed like half the hours in the day, standing in a hot shower for an extra ten minutes because it was the first one I'd had in three days... And more than this, my memory is softened by the happy snippets: sleeping with James nuzzled up on my chest and kissing the top of his head, talking endlessly for hours about his expressions and how amazed we were by everything that James was, the beautiful newborn smell which is softer and more wonderful than the finest perfume.
Somewhere in there, Christmas came and went with its own lovely moments. We were fortunate enough to share it with our families, who were incredibly kind and fed us hot holiday meals and made things festive despite the disruption from our normal lives. We enjoyed a huge Christmas Eve dinner at my mom's house, shared Christmas morning with my dad and brother, and were lucky enough to have Adam's parents travel here so we could see them without making the trek to Eugene over the holiday. I sang many Christmas carols to James (who adores being sung to, even in my awful off-key tone) and dressed him in a couple of cute Christmas outfits to celebrate the occasion. Dad & Adam helped put together a baby tree for us this year, and though the tree stood at only 4 feet tall it made our Christmas feel special. One night, I was up in the middle of the night nursing James by only the lights of the Christmas tree. He was so content, happily eating and gazing up at me and squeezing my pinky with his tiny, chubby little hand. I looked down at him and felt such gratitude and happiness that he was my son. I cried a little and looked at the Christmas lights twinkling across the room, thinking that life couldn't possibly be any more incredible. All seemed so right in my life, holding my sweet baby tight, rocking him to sleep in our warm little house with the cold rain outside. I don't know that I've ever felt so peaceful.
Peaceful isn't exactly a good word to describe most of our days here now, but when those moments arise, I enjoy them to the fullest. Having a cup of tea, taking a bath, or even eating a hot meal is a luxury I appreciate much more now. We sleep when we can and are starting to share the responsibility of night feedings (thank you, breastpump!) which makes life as a mom much better. James is starting to show little smiles and is expressing himself more and more. He's a pretty loud when sleeping, eating, or playing for that matter...he squeaks and grunts and cries and coos and makes new sounds all the time. We are getting better at anticipating his needs and finding various ways to soothe him when he's upset, though sometimes it takes quite a bit of effort, creativity, and perseverance. For example, I discovered by accident that when he's overtired, James loves to be held and rocked in the laundry room, with the light off and the furnace or dryer on for white noise. Adam is an old hand at babywearing and has James on his chest with one our baby carriers for quite a few hours of the day. (It's not my preferred method, since anytime he's near my chest he seems to suddenly get hungry.) He seems to slowly be developing a very loose routine or "schedule": he tends to be quite happy in the morning and likes to play, has various short naps and intermittent play and frequent nursings during the day, then usually gets fussy in the late afternoon/early evening and sometimes goes down for his first long stretch of the night anytime between 8-11. He eats 2-3 times after that during the night - sometimes for short periods and will be easily put back down, and sometimes not. He finally started enjoying his baths, which for now are usually just one of us holding him in the shower or bathtub since he also loves to be held so much. He cries during about half of his diaper changes, which is a big improvement from when he was first born and wailed through every single one of them. He always needs to be swaddled at night, or otherwise will constantly startle himself awake with his hands grasping at his face. He spends short periods in his swing or baby chair or on the boppy pillow, but otherwise wants to be held all the time. And, most of the time, I happily oblige. It won't be too long before he'll be a little boy and won't let his mama hold him and kiss his forehead for hours on end.
We'll share some more pictures and videos when we can. Thank you to all of you family and friends that have celebrated and supported us in this big change. Hugs from our family to yours.
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