James Rockwell turns 1

James turned 1 (!) on November 24th, 2012.  I really can't put into words how special this day was to me, and what it meant, so instead I'll just tell a little story:

Back when I was in grad school in L.A., I waitressed on evenings and weekends at a nice restaurant and occasionally got to take on big parties in the event space upstairs.  One afternoon we hosted a huge party for a little Korean girl who was turning 1.  It was a great opportunity for me to do the party - I think I made about $300 in one afternoon - and it was a party I'll never forget.  There must have been between 50 - 100 guests who arrived to celebrate the little girl's birthday.  She wore a colorful, ornate dress called a dol-bok with many layers which I can only assume took the parents a great deal of time to dress her in. They spared no expense with the party details.  They had a professional company come in to put up a balloon display and hung a huge banner from a sign shop.  They ordered the seared Ahi tuna, top-shelf cocktails, goat cheese salads and had brought along traditional foods as well; red bean cakes, rice, and pickled vegetables.  They had a gorgeous cake delivered that was decorated with fresh berries that were out of season, and had her baby pictures surrounding it.  The father was wore a nice three-piece suit and the mother wore a beautiful dress and high heels.  The tables were decorated with favors and streamers and all the guests excitedly flocked around the little girl trying to take pictures and speaking to her in Korean.  She cried most of the time.  First birthday parties are usually pretty overstimulating to babies and it really wasn't for her, anyway - it's a time for the family to come together and embrace and celebrate her first year.  

I was really struck by the care, thought, and planning that had gone into this party.  And it seemed superfluous, and really over the top.  I'm used to small, happy parties celebrated around a dinner table with a homemade cake, parents, grandparents & cousins, some singing, a birthday sign and a few presents.  I assumed this family must have had a lot of money - and maybe liked showing it off - and wondered if the girl would grow up spoiled living a lavish lifestyle.  After the party was dying down, one of the girl's young uncles sat down and offered me a cigarette.  We got to talking and I remarked at what an extraordinary party it was, especially for a baby.  He shared with me that the girl's parents were not, indeed, wealthy  - and they had saved for months to host the party.  In fact, the girl's grandparents had flown over just for the occasion.  In traditional Korean culture, the first birthday is usually celebrated with large families and specially-prepared ceremonial food that takes days to get ready.  Attention to the details of the party are important, because the party itself is important.  Many, many years ago when humans had a shorter life expectancy and life was more primitive, babies in particular didn't often survive the first year because of childhood illnesses, disease, and famine.  The milestone celebration is a show of gratitude and a sacrifice to the gods thanking them for the baby's survival.  It means, as the uncle put it, the baby has its feet firmly planted in the world.  She is here.

And so, James is here.  And I understand what that afternoon meant to the sweet young Korean couple and their baby girl years ago.  James is here on the planet.  He is another person, one of us, his existence no longer only in my dreams or my belly or tenuously suckling at my breast.  He has grown strong and well and talks and laughs and looks up at me with huge blue eyes that say, "I am delightful, and the world delights me, and you delight me."  :)  The day did mean a lot to me, and it was important.  I ordered custom invitations from Etsy, made all the decorations myself, served indulgent delicious foods liked baked brie, and Adam & I made James a special cake.  I put on a nice dress and dressed James in a sharp, uncomfortable button-down shirt and loved seeing his face light with wonder when he saw his balloons, tried his cake, and played with his family and friends and wrapping paper (and gifts).  It wasn't to show off, and it was certainly wasn't to please James - but rather a day to celebrate my gratitude and love for him.  

I am so proud and so joyful to have seen him reach this big day and celebrate what it means.  To reflect back on this past year, all the late nights up feeding him, seeing his first smiles, holding him in my arms for many hours of the day, watching him be embraced by his family...and knowing that I will never get this year back.  As my dad says, that chapter in his book is closed.   He's a boy now.  I can still see the baby in him - the button nose, the way he curls up on me when he's tired or doesn't feel well, and watching his tiny fingers try open something or grasp something that he can't quite get.  But more and more, I look at him and see a toddler - standing tall, wanting to do things himself, curious and confident and ambitious, though still needing me most of the time despite trying to be independent.  He is here - he is my heart outside my body - he is my boy - and he is firmly planted.  

Turkey Day!

Just some random fun from November and Thanksgiving.  This year we drove down to my mom's place in Springfield and celebrated with her side of the family.  It was a nice change of pace from last year, which was spent eating hospital cafeteria turkey with new baby James.  I had felt bad because my uncle was hosting for the first year - doing the whole meal by himself - and had settings for Adam & I and was all ready to show off his turkey to us.  Obviously we never made it to dinner but everyone who did later came to visit us at the hospital.  The upside of a Thanksgiving birth having almost our whole family come and meet James the day he was born.  I so clearly remember all the flowers, cards, visitors, and sweet phone calls.  I was really happy to have our son at the table with the rest of the family this year.  He tried some cranberry sauce (a new favorite), some stuffing (ambivalence), and some sweet mashed potatoes (always a favorite, but especially when Grandma Sue makes them and includes marshmallow topping...)

James & friends taking a good nap 

James discovers a discarded vanilla ice cream carton in the recycling.  No doubt there were a few tasty drops of melted cream left inside for him to try.  This is the look of a baby who did NOT want to part with his new toy.

Primate-style fatherly grooming

Just doing some light reading on the way down.  Did you know 1-year olds are very good at reading upside-down?

Pretty table.  (With the exception of the Cheez-Its and sippy cup at the end there.)

My brother, who cooked us an organic, hand-raised turkey and roasted it all by himself.  It was delicious and fed us for many meals afterwards!

Wes's first bird.  I told mom to put this photo in his baby book.

Wes & Mom, who cooked almost every dish on the table.

In true Howe family style, we played frisbee out on the golf course with the vain hopes of working off some of the calories we'd eaten...sadly I don't think we even came close!

It's all a blur

Wow, the biggest year for Adam & I so far - our first year being parents - has come to a close.  As my dad sometimes says, that's a chapter in the book that will never be opened again.  So much of it is such a blur.  Even though I know Adam & I are insane with picture-taking (as this blog will be testament to), but I still wish I remembered more than I do.  I have a hard time even getting a decent photo of this guy that isn't blurry lately.  

Anyway, my apologies for the blog being a baby photo-centric outlet lately.  I am planning to use an online service and put some of the blog into a photo book someday, so for the immediate future, sorry to be boring.   Anyway, in the meantime, here are some favs from this month.  

Napping on nana in Eugene.  Adam's parents often get up early and take care of James when we visit so we can get a little extra sleep in the morning.  Now that James is older he doesn't fall asleep on us much anymore, but when he does, I love it.  I love cradling his little toddler body, smelling his hair, and looking down at his sweet angel face.  One of my favorite memories of James & his nana is from back when James was just a few weeks old.  Unlike most newborns (or at least those I hear about), James never slept for more than 5-6 continuous hours until he was 6 weeks old.  We were totally exhausted and desperately in need of extra rest.  It was early evening, and James had fallen asleep on his nana on the living room couch, so I decided to head into their guest room to take a nap myself.  I expected Adam would come get me in an hour or so letting me know it was time to nurse James and get back up.  But I slept for a few hours, woke naturally (which never happened) and then crept out into the dark living room and there Elaine was, stroking James's back and still holding my sweet babe.  She said he had stirred a few times but otherwise kept sleeping as long as she didn't stop with the back rubs.  Anyone who knows Adam would quickly recognize James very much takes after his dad in that way.  

Our superman with Mr. Bear.  Ready to conquer the world!  Or, at least to conquer bedtime.

Practicing with his party hat for his big day.

Lunch with a view.

Again, more with the blurry pictures...our man is always on the move.

James and his bear.  He adores the thing, sleeps with it at every nap and every night, and carries it all around the house.  Lord help us if we ever lose it!

Happy November

James & I ventured out to the park the other day on a beautiful November day with only one item on our agenda:  playing in the leaves.  We parked the stroller and just sat together in a sea of yellow, red, brown, and green leaves.  I showed James how to hold them by the stem and do a good leaf twirl, and we did some good rounds of tickling and rolling on the ground and making the leaves fly all around us.  He delighted at this and squealed with laughter.  He then confidently trotted out towards the play structure, and scanned the scene for other kids.  He is really getting be very social and just lights up around other babies and children.  Unfortunately the swings and slide were pretty wet, so I sat next to him on the ground and showed him the water and suggested we head home.  Instead of being dismayed by the wet slide, it became an opportunity to play in the water and he stood there happily splashing away for a good 15 minutes.

Here's to hoping this season finds you delighting in simple joys, and remembering how wonderful life can be even in the rain.

Happy Little Pumpkin

Happy Little Pumpkin was the theme of this year's Halloween.  We had a lot of fun dressing James up and doing some festive things with friends and family.  Halloween is a much anticipated holiday for our family and I'm excited for James to grow up looking forward to getting out the Halloween box every year like I did...opening it up to see the costumes and decorations and looking forward to the big day (and candy).  Anyway, here are some of our favorite shots from October.

Playing in the leaves at my mom's new house

This was a couple of weeks before Halloween when we out to Sauvie's Island to visit the pumpkin patch.  I had visions of James hanging out in his stroller, just checking out the scenery and making getting out for a few pictures.  Not so!  He walked through the vines and played with the pumpkins and was having a great time.  He was so interested in the pumpkins that when we eventually tried to leave, he cried very hard.  I am looking forward to the day we can verbally reason instead of just plucking him from the fun and expecting him to understand why.

We spent Halloween in Eugene at my mom's house and did our usual family fun things - costumes, trick-or-treating friends, eating candy, and after James went to be bed, playing a few epic games of Canasta.

James crying at the scarecrow at Thistledown Farms.  Poor guy was very afraid of the scarecrows, but loved the chickens, ponies, and bunnies we saw afterwards.

The great pumpkin!

New Normal

Welcome to our new normal.  Please excuse the messy house and enjoy our 11-month old giving his "bee-bee" a talking to and trying to put his sock on.

Good times at the mall

We got another Groupon deal for mall pictures.  It was funny going this time as opposed to when James was 4 months old.  I remember how much more difficult it was then - James was fussy, needed to nap, the photo shoot was touchy (but fun) and later he fell asleep in the stroller so we walked around the mall for an hour afterwards.  It seems (in my memory, anyway) that James had a hard time falling asleep, and only napped while being held by us for a long time, so we used to love the "bonus naps" that we'd get in the car/stroller and extend them by just walking a lot or driving around aimlessly to pass the time.  Now with James being so much older and doing great with predictable naps in his crib, we don't have to do those things anymore.  Thank goodness since gas is now almost $5 a gallon.....

Anyway, this time we had a lot of fun and were cracking up trying to keep James from constantly crawling off the curtain.  On that particular day he was sticking out his tongue a lot (I think that was the beginning of teething) so the pictures reflect that.  He actually loves his cowboy hat and now puts it on all by himself.

It's almost my birthday!

Escape from the photo shoot....

And some outtakes...

More sticking out of the tongue

And a sneer to finish it off.  Classic.